why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize