just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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