the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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