tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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