it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I look better un-naked...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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