dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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