I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
