so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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