I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
her vagine was all disorganized.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
