I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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