Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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