can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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