i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
