Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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