Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
