Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
