I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
