im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
