You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
