Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
