I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
