Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
