so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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