I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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