Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
