I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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