Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
