Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
