He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
