so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize