Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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