You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
