Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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