Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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