You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
