Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
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I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.