What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER