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I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
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