not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content