god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?