i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
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Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.