I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"