Screwed.edu
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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