I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
