I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
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You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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