Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
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I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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