so that wasnt chicken after all
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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