normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
