This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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