He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
