Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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