Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
