I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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