note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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