i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You are the jesus of drinking
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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