where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
